tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15636964882026883312024-03-13T10:59:06.396-07:00The Art in Your HeartAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-59325621194515766522015-06-02T05:56:00.002-07:002015-06-02T06:03:47.903-07:00Letter to my nieces<div class="MsoPlainText">
My darling beautiful nieces, I love you each with all my
being. I learnt how to love from my aunties and my mom, your gran. I learnt
from the strongest most incredible women I've yet to meet. And I want to pass
these lessons onto you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This letter is to my three magical girls, and to every
little girl. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I grew up knowing and seeing that women can do anything.
From moving a table on their own, to investing money, working, cooking,
nurturing and being beautiful all at once. There is nothing you cannot do.
Nothing (yes can even pee standing up, it's necessary when you go on travels to
weird and wonderful places with interesting toilet facilities). <o:p></o:p></div>
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As a woman you hold the world in your hands and no one
can or should try tell you anything different. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When you are at an age where society, at that time dictates
you should get married, you really don't have to. Lesson one I learnt from my
one special aunt. She worked as a lawyer for many years, brilliantly successful
and capable. She traveled the world - she experienced life. I did the same. I went
off to London and gallivanted around the world travelling. I had many different
boyfriends who each taught me different ways to love and see the world. I made
so many interesting quirky friends that remain in my life and heart years
later. Those lessons and those people are irreplaceable in making me the person
I am today. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And now I'm ready to marry my heartsong - your crazy
amazing uncle. I know what I am getting into, well you never know, but I have a
realists view on marriage. It's fucking hard, sometimes it sucks, sometimes you
will want to leave and get on a plain on go back to that life of travel and no
obligations holding you down. When that happens, you look down at your ring finger and look up
at that person ( man or woman) and you make a choice to make it work- make it
magic- make it what you want. Once again what society says a marriage is-
ignore. You make your marriage or life partnership what you feel is right for
you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Be kind. You meet people every day that sometimes don't smile.
We are surrounded by people that are walking around with a mountain of hurt in
their hearts- be kind. Your good energy makes a difference. You never know the change that your kind words
or gesture could have on a person. Lesson two above, was learnt from my other
magical aunt. The kindest, most generous angelic human. She radiates warmth
wherever she goes. She is one of those ladies that everyone just wants to hug,
wants to be in her presence because that alone heals you. You lose nothing by
giving. It will come back to you tenfold. This is something I can promise you. What
you radiate outwards into the world, will radiate straight back at you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Get up, wake up and face whatever it is life has given
you today. Sometimes it may be very painful, it may be a something you never
thought would happen to you. Heartbreak, losing a job, losing someone you love,
possible bouts of depression- friends coming and going. Just wake up- look at
yourself in the mirror and know you can take it on. Lesson number three above,
I learnt from my third magical aunt. At 30 years old she lost our dear uncle in
a tragic way. And she got up. She made it work- she began a new beautiful
family that staid connected to us. She made her life beautiful and did not let
life’s many hurdles push her off course. Another lesson I learnt from aunty
number 3-always stay close to family. They are you and you are them. Family is
truly where the heart is and they will remain your compass,that is if you let
them. <o:p></o:p></div>
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You can do anything. I mean anything, anything at all. If you want
to be an artist- be an artist. If you want to be a doctor- you can be a doctor.
If you want to be a colourful hippie that travels the world with long
dreadlocks, do that. You can. If you want to be a free, fairy loving, spiritual
being that believes in energies and crystals- that is okay to. Your parents may
have dreams of you being the next heart surgeon, but with love they will
support you on your pathway. It is okay to be the cleverest, the best, and the
prettiest- don’t shy away from that. Never feel guilty for achieving. Never apologies
for being everything that you are able to be- and that you are blessed with
being. This powerful lesson I learnt from your gran. Women are not scared of
spiders. Women can run finances and change lightbulbs. Women are strong. And
let me tell you, your gran is the strongest -the best. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And then, the last lesson from me- to you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Sometimes you will not have the strength to pick up the
pieces. Your heart will be broken. Life will throw some shitty things at you.
And you know what? Fall to pieces. That beautiful family and those friends- you
should invest time and love in. Let them pick up the pieces. And choose a
partner who will also know how to do it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Sometimes, there will come a time in your life, when it
is just too much and you cannot carry the world. So take your box of tissues to
bed- cry- sleep- cry some more. And summon your people to hold your hand. There
is so much strength in being able to let others help you. Do it. It's not a
failure. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Strength lies in being you and being true to your
feelings. <o:p></o:p></div>
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On a side note from your aunty- do some courses on
yourself. Get to know you. Inside, outside- the good, the bad and the ugly.
None of us are perfect and when you embrace all of your qualities you will be a
much happier person. So go for therapy, go to yoga, do gym - learn different
things. Find your niche - and don't be worried if you have to try over and over
again to find your niche. It takes a little bit of time. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Lastly beautiful girls- make your own set of lessons and
rules. You are on this earth to learn your own individual pathway. Make it
beautiful, and make it you. <o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-9359187388363044722015-05-14T02:03:00.001-07:002015-05-14T02:03:04.409-07:00365 Lessons to Learn and to Teach "When you talk you are only repeating what you already know, when you listen you may learn something new", Dalai Lama.<br />
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Each and every person that crosses our paths daily has something to teach us. I look at this often a little too deeply- what meaningful insight was I meant to gain from the lady that was rude to me at the grocery store. What am I mirroring at work that a work colleagues vanity is aggravating me? But sometimes the lessons we are meant to learn are not these BIG HUGE, weird and wonderful lessons- but small daily lessons. For example, a colleague at work needed help with a power-point presentation- I showed her something new to do to make the task simpler and quicker- and like that- she learnt a new lesson yesterday. I taught.<br />
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Similarly I was at my aunt the other day and she cutting avocados,she was pouring hot water over the avo and I learnt that this is to keep it from going brown. And boom. I learnt.<br />
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There are 365 days in a year- that means if we learn just one small new thing every day we will gain 365 new abilities and facts. Even better, we can teach 365 different things- we can give 365 little snippets of help to someone else.<br />
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So join me friends in sharing your knowledge every day... and in keeping a little silent to take in the wisdom of those near you.<br />
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With love and light always. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-76652336181683454602015-05-07T02:47:00.001-07:002015-05-07T02:49:04.022-07:00The Saga of Candy Crushing <div class="MsoPlainText">
I am a lover of social media. I admit. I love the
stalking, I love the photos, I love the sharing,I love the glimpse you get to have into other people's lives, fears, hopes and dreams. Witnessing happy moments of those near and far just with a click of a button.</div>
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Recently - well with retrospect not so recent - I met
farm saga. It became my therapy- any moment of angst there was my farm
saga. Currently I have completed this game and await for new levels. And so, in
my moment of need I turned to candy crusher. Well.. Well... We all know this
story </div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Am I addicted? No I don't think so. But I have no shame
in requesting a life, a bit of help over a bridge from my fellow candy
crushers. And the requests come in, but funny because I have no qualms giving
lives to Facebook friends I probably would not greet. Help with extra moves -
with pleasure but don't start a chat with me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Gaming. Social media. Technology. The world today. We are a little bit disconnected from each other- well a lot... but at the same time we are all so connected. Because we know everything about everyone. The other day I bumped into someone I had not seen in years- she asked me "how is your Cat Shanti, she is so beautiful!" For a second I thought, wait how do you know Shanti- where did you see my Shanti? Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. Shanti is famous. And I guess it is kind of nice, because there was a connection made- a conversation starter and well Shanti is totally gorgeous.</div>
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And that feeling when
you meet someone new- totally out of the blue- you add each other on Facebook
and wham- two mutual friends! Three degrees of separation right then and there- in action.</div>
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So sharing is caring, and I am okay with my small Candy Crush addiction (okay I admitted it), and next time someone does give me a Life on Candy Crush- I will send them a message to say THANK YOU.</div>
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Keep on sharing. Share with good intent and a good heart.</div>
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With love and light always </div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-92006456304603687402015-05-06T01:54:00.000-07:002015-05-06T01:54:13.968-07:00My new friend- Mr Praying Mantis<div class="MsoPlainText">
For a few days now a praying mantis has been following me
around. In my bedroom, when I get out the car, sitting on the washing basket- I turn my head and my little green friend is standing there. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I see signs and meaning in everything around me- so I
needed to know why this little guy was my new friend.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The word mantis comes from the Greek word mantikos
meaning soothsayer or prophet. The praying mantis does have this look- it is like I want to ask him the meaning of the world, love, hate and my life purposes. And he looks so peaceful, in a terminal meditative state. Taking away from my usual inclination to look at the
spiritual symbolism of this creature I looked at science.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Well this chap is the only insect whose eyesight works
180 degrees. Take a look at this little creature and do not get a fright when he looks over his shoulder straight at you. <span style="background-color: white; color: #191919; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px;">No other insect can do so.</span> He sees the whole picture, and perhaps that is a lesson I need to learn. Stop dissecting the minute details in life, picking out the small things- I need to look at the big picture. What is that big picture? Well life is beautiful. I have love, I have my health and I have shifting moments of inner peace- which is a lot if you ask me. </div>
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Another interesting scientific fact about Mr Mantis, well Mrs Mantis- the female sometimes have been known to eat the males .
Lesson number two. Enough said <o:p></o:p></div>
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Lesson number three thanks to my scientific research. Mr Mantis only has one ear. So maybe I do not
listen. Well I know I don't. Dashing out words of wisdom is easy but taking
them- not so easy. A lesson to learn- listen. Listen to those around you who sometimes do know better. I need to listen to them. Listen to nature. Listen to your body- when it says "Stop feeding me those pizza's I feel sick", listen. And listen to your gut- when you get a certain gut feeling about something- it is probably right. I have come to learn your gut instinct knows no wrong. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So Mr Mantis, thank you for your beautiful lessons this week. I look forward to seeing you later. </div>
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Love and light as always xxx</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-31280234046961339222014-06-30T05:15:00.000-07:002014-06-30T05:15:02.864-07:00Miss Magoo (possible genetic connection to Mr Magoo)<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If there are ever auditions for a Miss Magoo, let me know, I will be a front runner. Most people like to call me clumsy, accident prone, often living in dream world. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I like to call it lucky. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thanks to Wikipedia you can read a bit about the original Mr Magoo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Magoo).... the best descriptor from this article "<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">However, through uncanny streaks of luck, the situation always seems to work itself out for him, leaving him no worse than before."</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #252525; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">And so, due to clumsiness, eyesight impairment (yes I have 20/20 vision but my view of the world is a little different to others) and a general confused perspective (I think its because I am colourful)- things seem to happen to me. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #252525; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">Glasses seem to break wherever I go. I am seldom able to cook a meal without either burning myself or the food. Last night I was painting my nails in bed. My Peri says to me "Bab, um so like.. I am not being mean but you are like the clumsiest person I know and you are painting your nails in bed in luminous pink? Is this a good idea?". To which I replied "Don't be silly, of course it is a good idea". 5 minutes later, well, you can imagine. There was a line of bright pink nail polish across our white linen. I then tried to research ways to remove to which Peri recommended it was best to leave. With my history in mind, I would land up creating a hole through the duvet. I knew this to be true, and so I left it.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #252525; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 22.399999618530273px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #252525; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">Well anyway, if you ask me- it will remain an reminder of a lovely Sunday evening when I painted my nails in bed and ate tea and rusks. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #252525; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.399999618530273px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #252525; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">Mr Magoo is testament to a man with bad eyesight that manages through luck and blessings to get through life magically, unscathed and wonderful. So in the wonderful words from Mr Magoo "O Magoo, you have done it again"... and well its bloody marvelous. Nothing wrong with doing things a little bit differently. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #252525; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">It is all a matter of perspective. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #252525; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">With love and light always </span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-65288846631832567472014-06-11T02:28:00.004-07:002014-06-11T02:33:06.087-07:00I'm sorry, I can't be PerfectAlcohol Detox. Easy one, right?<br />
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In my few days of being totally sober at any social, work- human interaction- I have noticed that there are some people that are not actually very nice. People that I usually like a lot- laugh with and totally understand seem pretty idiotic when 100% sober. Talk about beer goggles! Not just the eyes that do not see when you are intoxicated. But also there are people that when they are drunk, they are totally opposite to the sober self.<br />
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It is so easy to see past other people's faults when you are a little bit drunk. That girl that is actually 10 kilos over the weight of "your usual type"- well she looks amazing. That arrogant twat of a man seems like a total gentleman. You don't notice that maybe the friend you have been talking to all night is actually very boring. You are able to open up your heart to anyone who will listen- able to dance like no one is watching. You are able to just be ridiculous and have unrivaled fun.<br />
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So yes alcohol has really bad effects on a person. But the "beer goggles" that possibly make people seem so lovely, fun- seem so perfect- those are nice. I akin them to the rose tinted glasses I would like to wear sometimes through life. Everything can seem so pretty...<br />
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When the hangover lifts, and your eyes start to see clearly- the cracks start to show. People are suddenly not as beautiful as they were the night before, or fun, or interesting. Some people turn out to not even be very nice. Reality sets in... and yes, I think it does suck just a little bit.<br />
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Give me my rose tinted glasses back, just on loan, so everything can be perfect again.<br />
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With love and light, Art in Your Heart<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-85003514143431007612014-06-09T02:15:00.000-07:002014-06-09T02:15:25.791-07:00Ebb and Flow<i><span class="hw" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 16px;">ebb and flow: </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">to decrease and then increase, as with tides; a decrease followed by an increase</span></i><br />
Life has its music and its silences. There are leavings and comings, hello's and goodbyes. Moments of being awake and times when we are resting.<br />
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I was at my mother's house over the weekend and I came across a picture of myself when I was 21. Skinny. Gorgeous. Tanned. Blond. Short skirted, fanciful and totally and utterly filled with fear. Scared of myself, scared of where the world would take me. I remember the day that photo was taken. I was going to a dress up party with the theme "what not to wear". I had gotten a pink mini skirt, a pink barbie top, pink earrings, pink eye shadow- and the same pink ensemble for Tatum to wear. Looking back at the picture I cannot believe how thin and gorgeous- and YOUNG I was. But that day I remember wishing I was thinner and feeling totally insecure. I remember just wanting a good boyfriend. I was so skinny at the time because I was recovering from a particularly painful break up that had crushed my self esteem and made me doubt my sense of self. I was complex, complicated and totally vulnerable.<br />
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So yes, when I looked at that photo I did make my entire family have a moment of silence for the amazing skinniness that I now yearn for.... but... well.... did it make me happy? No. Almost ten years later, and more than 10 kilos later, I am no longer waif like (chubby sexy is term I like to use). And yes I would love to look like that former 21 year old girl... but instead of spending those 10 years primping, preening and beautifying, I spent them learning to love myself.<br />
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I have spent 10 years fighting my fears, delving into my demons, building a career, manifesting dreams and loving. Truly and utterly loving. I met the love of my soul Peri. I found my heartsong cats Rumples and Shanti that every day bring me joy. I worked on my friendships daily, and still do. I spent precious moments eating huge unhealthy meals with family and friends and making memories.<br />
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And so, with the ebb and flow of life- there are times we are skinny and times we are not. Times we are fearful and then times we climb mountains. So go forth... climb your mountains, love with your heart and soul and let go of all those former selves- they have had their time and place.<br />
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With love and light alwaysAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-4310054144329787942014-04-10T01:10:00.001-07:002014-04-10T01:21:38.337-07:00The Ten People you Meet While on EarthThis world is made up of so many different, unusual, amazing, not so amazing human beings. Some you are very lucky to come across, some--- not so lucky.<br />
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The Vampire<br />
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We have all probably met the Vampire. They like to take a lot of energy, material goods and love from those around them--- they suck their friends, family and partners of any joy and then they move on. The Vampire is not a very nice one.<br />
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The Emotionally Blank<br />
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That person who has a mono mood. Sad, happy, angry- all looks the same? You can never really figure out if they just hide their feelings or they just do not have any.<br />
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The Judge<br />
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Everyone in the world is wrong. Everyone in the world has wronged them. They are usually pretty angry people and very opinionated. They are always right. The Judge is sometimes mean.<br />
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The Roller Coaster<br />
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The main characteristic of this person is there is no main characteristic. They are up and down- totally inconsistent.<br />
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The I Specialist<br />
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Me. Me. Me. This person only knows that they exist in the world.<br />
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Now... now... there are the beautiful special people on this earth that add light, brightness and love.<br />
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The Wise One<br />
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Now I am very blessed to have many wise ones in my life. The advice givers. Those old souls that just know better. They see the world through eyes of someone who has lived a million lifetimes. A soul sister of mine Jami is one of these wise ones. She always knows. She sees things for what they are and gives the most open real perspective. If you are lucky enough to have one of these in your lives, you are truly blessed. This person just has a presence of calm. Being around them immediately makes you feel calm and that everything will be okay. They have a magical energy without having to try.<br />
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The Giver<br />
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My best friend of all time and forever Tatum is a giver. I sometimes actually cannot figure out why she stays friends with me, when I get so much out of our relationship- in return she gets my dramatic life and me as her third child to look after. She threw me a 30th birthday party when she was 6 months pregnant for love- and no other reason. The Givers have hearts made of something else. They just give without every wanting something in return. And they are genuine. They would not give to those they did not want to give to.. that is what makes it so special. My sister Bianca is a giver... never known such angelic qualities as she possesses.<br />
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The Soft on inside<br />
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This person is first identified by being very strong, very hard and not easy to get to know. They always seem happy, always seem easy-going. They are not the gushy types. But when you get to the inside.. well the inside is like soft cloudy loveliness. My partner Peri is like that. On the outside he appears to be easy nonchalant, unfazed and hard. But when you get to know him.. well he saves chameleons from the side of the road. He wont kill an insect- literally he rescues insects out of my kittens mouths. He will always make you a hot water bottle. He will pick up a beggar from the side of the road, buy him groceries and then give him a lift to the nearest taxi. The soft on the inside are worth cracking through that hard shell, believe me.<br />
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The Matriarch<br />
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This one, well my mother epitomizes. Its that person with unwavering strength, that person who can do anything. Nothing is an effort. They just get up, get going and take over the world. Simple as that. They hold up their family, they hold up companies.. they are exceptional at everything they do. My brother is one of these as well. Strong beyond words.<br />
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The Sunshine<br />
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I love the Sunshine. The sunshine person is that happy person. They are the person you go to when you need a fun night on the town. When you want to laugh and forget that there is any badness in the world. My sister is a sunshine person. She always comes with buckets of joy. She walks into a party- and she is the party. The world would be a dark place without the sunshine people. Her husband Saul is also a sunshine person and genetically- their daughter Kesiah- she is also a sunshine person.<br />
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What person are you?<br />
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With love and light xoxox<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivylZAsdESpnCWbkIacDoIFlga75o1Kk0Yvf4dbPo8BjYKVP5q5cvah0wU2rdYvhkJLU31OaU2bHmuamPfgo9dkyx725UrA8dxrNTJ1wyxgGcfBc8n4xVqQRwaK3ns8PtZegwCDYZf6VM/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivylZAsdESpnCWbkIacDoIFlga75o1Kk0Yvf4dbPo8BjYKVP5q5cvah0wU2rdYvhkJLU31OaU2bHmuamPfgo9dkyx725UrA8dxrNTJ1wyxgGcfBc8n4xVqQRwaK3ns8PtZegwCDYZf6VM/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaG_lXRn4qUFRCC2GillVOm23xhG6U93_0RLDuRmUAudQMfJM3008wEihw_XS77VswstXxFlwF7kctuuXHR779bhO-ncdbqmm4cTrRnRXPA3LkVOYp7egHIrTnnlQxzxqgwZutS4NhsZE/s1600/sunshine-quote.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaG_lXRn4qUFRCC2GillVOm23xhG6U93_0RLDuRmUAudQMfJM3008wEihw_XS77VswstXxFlwF7kctuuXHR779bhO-ncdbqmm4cTrRnRXPA3LkVOYp7egHIrTnnlQxzxqgwZutS4NhsZE/s1600/sunshine-quote.jpg" height="320" width="239" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-45262029750142887582014-04-07T05:19:00.000-07:002014-04-07T05:19:11.957-07:00Find something that anchors you, that keeps you looking forwardSo, the truth is, I am not a naturally happy person. There I said it.<br />
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I am prone to being melancholic, I could spend two days in bed watching sad movies eating ice cream and actually enjoy the misery of it. In saying this, it took me some time to realize that being happy is not necessarily something that just comes naturally. To some, maybe, a lucky few. The rest of us have to work at being happy. As you do with most things in life. Relationships, work, our bodies, our minds and our emotional well being.<br />
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With a bit of experience in the dark world of depression, where curtains are closed and nothing seems very joyous--- I forced myself to get up and get going. No, not over night. No not over a year. Not over years. A work in progress... and I learnt some methods ... I will share a few..<br />
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Number 1. Have Faith.<br />
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When I say have Faith, I don't mean it has to be in a Gd, although that works. I don't mean it was to be in a spiritual being even. I mean faith in anything. Faith in the trees, faith that the sky will always be there, faith in a rock, faith in the moon. Faith in a friend. Faith in Buddha, Jesus, Gd, Spirits, Energy, Crystals. Faith in something. Why does this work? Well, it stops you from ever, ever giving up. No matter how bad things seem to be, no matter the dark smoke that surrounds you or the aching pain inside, there is something outside of you that you believe in.<br />
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And if something outside of you has to exist regardless of the rest of the world's turmoil- well then everything has to be okay. There is a constant to hold onto.<br />
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Number 2. Love<br />
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Love does not mean marriage, or having a partner (male or female). Love means caring for another being on this earth. Animals count. Yourself counts. Just love, find a way to feel pure and unconditional love for someone or something. I always remember going to a healer, and they asked me to close my eyes and meditate on the one time I felt completely loved. The thing that came to mind was lying on the couch with my cat Rumples. That is okay. I felt love. One start of love.. opens up a door to endless love. Believe me.<br />
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Number 3. Hold back on that Judgement<br />
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We are all very quick to judge, myself included.. but how do we ever know the journey other people are on? How do we know if the guy that cut us off in traffic was possibly rushing to the hospital? or if your boss being in a bad mood is due to a personal crisis you cannot imagine. I am not saying focus on other people's problems, we have enough of our own, I am saying just be accepting of people. Let go of instant judgement and anger and realize that yes- OTHER PEOPLE ARE ALSO ALLOWED TO HAVE A BAD DAY.<br />
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Number 4. Let yourself feel<br />
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In saying all of the above. Sometimes things are just really damn bad.. and sometimes you just need to fall to pieces. You need to lie in bed, drink a glass of wine, cry, watch sad movies and feel sorry for yourself. And you should.. because YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE A BAD DAY.<br />
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With love and light xoxoxo and happiness shared always<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-54188481836943124372014-04-04T04:03:00.000-07:002014-04-04T07:46:27.212-07:00Is it okay to have regrets?<div class="MsoPlainText">
Live your life with no regrets. Google quotes on regrets and this is mostly what you will find... nowhere does it say "Yes well you will have some regrets, some would have should have feelings.. and that is okay". Well I am taking stance on this. It is okay to have regrets. It is okay to think, had I have known then what I know now, I would have done things differently.... because there will always be those things. </div>
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I would have never stopped doing ballet. I was not brilliant at this art, but I loved it. My teacher said to me, you will regret this, and I did. It was beautiful and soothing and lovely.</div>
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I would have been kinder to my late father, I would have asked him a million questions and gotten to know him so that at the age of 30 I do not wander about a million things. I would have loved him more, because only now that he is gone do I realize how similar we are. </div>
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I would have studied to be a Gynecologist like my late father- he always said that it was the one medical profession where most of the time you dealt with happy times- birth... I would not have studied law, something I never got a passion for... And then when I shifted to doing my honours in psychology- I should have done my Masters afterwards. I would have been a good Psychologist. </div>
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I would not have dated some of the guys that I dated, I would have been wise enough to see the destruction that would cause long term. I would have seen that they were not genuine- that all I would learn from those relationships was hurt and a great method to building walls. </div>
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I would have closed off my heart just a little bit more and not let everyone walk into my life that I did. Some lessons, I could have done without. </div>
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I would have read the four agreements the day I started to learn to read. And in saying this all.. there is so much I would not change a millisecond of. The hours I spent reading from the day I learnt to read- the 100's, 1000's of books that I have read and absorbed into my heart. The movies I watched with my dad. The nights I could not sleep and I woke up and found my dad watching a movie and joined him in the lounge. </div>
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The friendships that I invested so much in, so much love, that are epic. That are lifelong. Thank you beautiful friends. </div>
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The relationships I had that were beautiful, and loving.. and even if sometimes painful... left me so much more then what I entered with. Strength. Humility. The ability to understand love. Those relationships that led me to my beautiful Peri. To my true love. To Reality. </div>
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And yes I would have loved to be a Doctor, but perhaps I would be so focused on healing the physical that I would not have this deep need to heal the heart and soul. And that is what I am getting to. The heart and soul.</div>
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With all that I have learnt, loved, hurt... and yes regretted... I want to spend my life sharing, inspiring, healing and teaching others. I want to teach children to meditate and that holding a rose quartz to your heart and breathing deeply will help the pain far more then any medication. I want to change this world- even if it is just one soul I touch and help. So with love, light and the biggest thanks for the many blessings that I have in my life... May I be blessed further to inspire people and in turn to be inspired by those very people.</div>
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And yes, it is okay to regret.... it is what you do with that regret that matters. No anger.. no hate. Move forward and create something beautiful.</div>
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With love and light xx Happy Friday! </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-54019126274386221202014-03-23T23:12:00.002-07:002014-03-23T23:30:51.309-07:00You cannot have me"You are a bad cook", "You hair looks better dark", "I do not like your fringe", "You are not very creative", "you are overweight"..... the "constructive" criticism from those close to you, and sometimes those that are not even close can be very damaging. After 30 years of listening how I should be doing things, what I am doing wrong, what I am good at, what I am not good at----- I have created a full body mask of Tamsyn. A fake face, a person that will appease everyone and fall into the box they want me to.<br />
<br />
Somehow I got convinced that I was a crazy cat lady.. and that loving my kittens so passionately was crazy. I also got convinced that having kids would be a nightmare- that I did not want kids.<br />
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I have wanted to be a mother since I was a little girl- I was born to be a mother- How could I lie to myself about this? And yes I also was convinced that a wedding is silly- who needs a big white dress and a beautiful day dedicated to them. Who needs a special day to celebrate their love.<br />
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Me. Me the "crazy cat lady".<br />
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And so, after a "aha" moment I have decided to cut out the noise from those around me. To listen to feedback with an open heart but to NEVER let it define me. To make my own decisions.<br />
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"Yellow is not your colour". I was told this for years so I never even looked at any item of clothing remotely yellow.. well you know what.. I actually think yellow thinks amazing on me and I shall wear it with flare. "You are not a very good cook". Really? I lived with a beautiful friend of mine for a year and I was the house chef- they raved about my cooking. Why now have a developed an immense fear of even cutting cucumber in the kitchen. The word kitchen fills me with anxiety. But actually, I am a good cook- And I will cook.<br />
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I feel deeply disappointed in myself that I have let so many people's ideas about who I am, actually define me. What do they really know about me? About my abilities and strengths.<br />
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So from today, I make a vow to myself, to be true to me. I started off the day cutting my fringe (yes with a kitchen scissors and a little skew but looks good if you ask me.. I feel happy).<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9fHepuWoX9KEe4hwoNMO7K4gaFW9iEfyziGspVaRoRMhQEcBMEBOP2S5_A9rE_b_qVgriDFPKEeDqMzdYWfYhCS546SQ4bWrojBg8ZmQP2FD9dMlT02ZdSXz5m7CQnGzmKVxTZo5SK08/s1600/Sandton-20140324-01180.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9fHepuWoX9KEe4hwoNMO7K4gaFW9iEfyziGspVaRoRMhQEcBMEBOP2S5_A9rE_b_qVgriDFPKEeDqMzdYWfYhCS546SQ4bWrojBg8ZmQP2FD9dMlT02ZdSXz5m7CQnGzmKVxTZo5SK08/s1600/Sandton-20140324-01180.jpg" height="320" width="220" /></a><br />
People spend so much time trying to morph those they love into what they want. How silly is that? Why would you be with someone, or be friends with someone- if you just wanted to create your own image of them. Love them for exactly as they are, or don't love them.. but never try to transform a person into what you want.<br />
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I am freaking fabulously amazing and I choose to embrace that. I love my crystals, I love my incense (and do not tell me to not light it), I love painting my nails a different colour every day, I love wearing things that are fashionable but have my own flare to them, I love rain, I love fancy hotels (I do not want to rough it, I do not want to stay in 3 star places), I love nice things. I do believe when people come for dinner there should be flowers on the table and a beautiful laid out table. I think that people should take pride in what they look like (not to the point that it consumes them)- but to the point that you show respect of the body that Gd has blessed you with. Let it be beautiful. Yes, I am chubby sexy but I think its gorgeous- and yes I would love to shed those extra 10 kilos.. and yes I will.. but I will do it when I am ready. Do not tell me what to eat, or that I need to do exercise. Maybe spend more time judging yourself then me and everyone else. Look at you, not me. And I love animals with a passion- I believe they have deep souls and I believe that my kittens are connected to my heart. I can see auras, I can sense energy, I have a strong intuition and I believe in magic.<br />
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I choose to live in my world. In my world I never see ugly people, I do not jump to conclusions and judge people. I open my heart to everyone, and yes many times I get hurt. And yes sometimes my judgement is not amazing.. but its my world and I would far rather be like that then in a world where I only see bad in everyone else. Dont judge, love.<br />
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Embrace yourself. never let anyone else tell you who you should be. I did, and I almost lost myself. But I am back, and here to stay.<br />
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With love and light always<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-66651934710565586562014-02-25T23:36:00.002-08:002014-02-25T23:39:39.218-08:00Live in your own world...Peri often asks me, what world do you live in? And I say "My world". I see the world through my eyes, everything is subjective and so a chipped plate or broken glass is a sign of a fun night... Being totally unaware of people's faults is not a sign of weakness or being a bad judge of character, its the way I see people- for their good. Why focus on negativity?<br />
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And so, yes I have spent most of life often not noticing things around me, doing silly things, bumping, breaking, falling... stumbling along sometimes.. but I am okay with that. Because my life is beautiful because of it. I see glitter where others see dust- I see potential where others see a broken vessel. And sometimes, (okay often), I make mistakes due to my "ignorance" or inability to see reality as it really is. Should I change that? Should I open my eyes to reality?<br />
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Nah.. I like my pink, shiney, glitter covered and happy world. Ill stay here, thank you very much.<br />
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with love and light, come and visit me xo<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-52399109470700275062014-02-15T22:25:00.001-08:002014-02-15T22:29:19.954-08:00The Two Best Words that start with Z....After a "passport debacle" (aka we arrived at airport to go on holiday of our dreams and only realised when we got to customs my passport had expired), we left on the 8th to go to Zanzibar. We arrived to heat like I have never felt- within minutes my hair was clipped up, pants rolled up- and face was red! The drive to our hotel... beautifully named the Z Hotel..... was an interesting one. Driving through the rural town, where people just seemed happy. Simple life, none of the silly complications we experience and I am sure they do not have hundreds of psychiatrists and psychologists helping them through their deep childhood problems and every anxiety.<br />
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And we arrived at paradise- the Z Hotel. After the mixup with our flights and the so-called "passport debacle", the hotel had moved our accommodation to the following week at no extra charge and with total kindness. As we got to reception our bags were whisked away to our room and we were greeted by one of the loveliest ladies I have ever met, Julie- the GM of the hotel. She radiates a sort of calm we can all only dream to have.<br />
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Straight to our room to put on swimming costumes- a jump in the clear and warm ocean, a jump in a pool that must be made in heaven. And then a week of utter relaxation, joy, love, calm and peace.<br />
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On our second night they experienced a major storm that they had never had before--- this ruined a lot of the hotels in the area, and destroyed the roof of their restaurant. And so, instead of waking up and going down to breakfast- they brought breakfast to our room every morning. With a smile.. a "Jambo" hello... and a feeling that you will never find a place more peaceful.<br />
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I had a lot of time to think on this holiday, hours sitting by the pool doing nothing but relaxing. And I realised that there are so many destinations you can go to that are beautiful- but what makes a place beautiful? The people. And let me tell you, the people that work at the Z hotel are magical. Its as if Julie and the owners handpicked each person for their warmth, gentle nature and calm presence.<br />
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Its funny.. sometimes you get back from a holiday and feel like it never happened. You dread the thought of work... going back to your "normal life"... I don't feel that way. I feel energized, ready to tackle my work--- ready to have a brilliant, open and creative mind and put my heart into all I do.<br />
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For a week, watching people put so much love and care into their jobs-- made me realise that I need to do the same. When the beds were made every morning they left a design with petals and leaves and some form of animal made out of the towels- everything was done perfectly. And that is how I wish to live my life... Do things with heart, soul... passion. And when a storm comes.. as it does.. and the roof collapses... as it does... well what do you do? You eat breakfast in bed.<br />
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With love. My two best Z words-- Zanzibar and the Z hotel. Thank you Julie xoxo<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-19809090238097297972014-01-23T22:04:00.002-08:002014-01-23T22:05:45.651-08:00Build your own DREAMS!<div class="MsoNormal">
There
are many people in this world who love stability, love constants, love calm and
consistency. I am not one of those people.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I
thrive on chaos, thrive on drama- love change- love adventures. But it is
dangerous to always be like that so I find my adventures in every day things.<o:p></o:p></div>
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There
is so much magic in things standing right in front of us.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So I
go to renew my drivers license. About a block from the station is an empty
field barring a makeshift type shop (wood planks with tin roof), a few men
sitting under it and a plastic chair. A cardboard sign saying photos. So I stop
there-- climb through the plants and head to have my photos for my new license.
A lovely warm (some what hulky and bit scary) gentleman tells me to sit down.
Takes photos and then opens his boot of his car to link to some form of
equipment.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He
says " you need a copy of your ID, go to the lady across the field, get
it while I print the photos". So I walk across to next makeshift shop and
there is an old also very lovely lady with a lone photocopy machine. And done.<o:p></o:p></div>
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What
struck me in this experience is the brilliance, tenacity and entrepreneurship with
both these stores. They saw a need, they capatilised on it and they have
created a little business. It gives me hope. And mostly inspires me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Living
in South Africa, a country rife with crime and poverty.. You cannot blame
people for feeling hopeless. Inadequete healthcare and education. A worry where
your next meal will come from. Fears all around you. People need to survive.
But admist that.. There are so many exceptional people.. That rise above any
feelings of anger, hatered, bitterness and the ability to create something out of nothing. And if you create,
the world can only grow. <o:p></o:p></div>
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With
so much love, I pray for all South Africans to continue creating businesses,
creating dreams and creating hope. I read a brilliant quote the other day
" build your own dreams or someone else will hire you to build theirs". So with a hopeful heart may we all make our
dreams a reality and continue to create more brilliance in this world. <o:p></o:p></div>
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With
love and light always<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-17009374322433299132014-01-18T05:10:00.001-08:002014-01-18T23:32:16.196-08:00The day I fell In loveWell, it is not to say that I haven't loved Peri for the past year and a half, and I knew from our very first date there was something there- some connection that words could not explain and just existed. I have always loved his kindness, his love for all things and his passionate response to things around him. But this weekend I fell in love with him in a different way. It's strange for me, and I guess for many people, because you see love as this instant thing- this immediate reaction and total belief that this is the person you will share the rest of your life with and there is never any doubt.<br />
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I think when you are 30, as I am, you are a bit more jaded, cautious- not so quick to just fall into love and give of yourself. They always say the first love is the best love because you never think it will end.. that love before you know about life and its turmoil. But that is not true- the best love is love that lasts. The best love is love that grows and gets better. Not one that starts on a high of joy that cannot be sustained. Love that starts.. and grows and grows...<br />
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So we went away this weekend to a lodge in Rustenburg- not very exciting, right? But my Peri makes an adventure out of everything. This weekend I realised how in love I am with that aspect of him. On the way to our destination a tired looking beggar was selling a chameleon he had found- Peri swerved to the side of road and insisted on buying it. He feared for the destiny of this chameleon if he did not rescue it... and promised it a very good home. Then there was the journey to the pet shop- crickets to get for food- a home for chameleon (now referred to as Rusty)- and no I am not yet ready to call him mine. His love and appreciation- and total dedication and care of something he felt affected by- just made me fall head of heals.<br />
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We go lie by the pool, relaxing, joyous- and when I see insects alive, battling to survive in the pool- I am not scared or revolted- I pick them up and take them out the pool. This may sound ridiculous, but how could you leave the that living creature to suffer and die? That love and care of all things living- well I learnt from Peri. Two years ago I wouldn't even touch an ant. Second thing that made me feel totally head over heals.<br />
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And then, we at the pool- he is lying on a lilo.. its a lovely place, simple. Nothing much to do- and he is utterly filled with joy to just lie there in the sun and appreciate his surroundings. So embracing of the moment, so peaceful. Happy. In the moment. Something that I find so hard to do. Since I have known Peri it is something I slowly learn to do, to just have fun where you are- to appreciate a lilo, a hot summers day- a chameleon.<br />
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So for so long, I saw myself as this emotionally evolved human, open to life- loving of all, appreciating small things. And no, I have to admit to myself, when I watch Peri, I am not. For all the times I have thought Peri was not as emotionally evolved as me, or any man, well.. this i not the truth.<br />
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Peri appreciates every little small thing, he gives to things around him with an open heart and expectation of nothing in return and he appreciates life- the life of every living creature- even those that we just see as "bugs". I looked at this man today and knew that the gut feeling I had on our first date was so right- was leading me somewhere. A life of adventure, a life of loving and giving and a life of appreciation.<br />
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I thank Hashem (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Names_of_God_in_Judaism) for giving what I needed.... and what I asked for. Someone who made my life meaningful. Someone who challenges me every day.<br />
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We are driving to the shops- I have no makeup on, hair is untamed. Clip holding fringe up--and Peri looks at me will all seriousness "That is how your hair looks beautiful". And then I thought for the forth time this day, how amazing is that? Someone who sees you at what you think is your worst, and they think it is your best.<br />
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Our relationship has been by no means easy or simple- neither of us are easy or simple. There has been many downs, many things happen that has shattered us both... but I see now with retrospect that I am right now, exactly where I need to be.<br />
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I just wanted to share this special thing in my life, because well, sometimes we are so hard on ourselves. When relationships are not perfect, or there are downs- up, changes- we think it is hard- we think it is not right.... but sometimes... sometimes...... the best part is yet to come.<br />
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I pray for all of you to have a love that only grows with love... and time... and that you can appreciate all the small things (goes for me too), and live in the now. With love and light always xoxoAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-70631521942911687632014-01-12T01:05:00.001-08:002014-01-12T01:05:14.280-08:00A cloud of butterfly inspiration So yesterday saw a cloud of beautiful butterflies flying over Johannesburg. This is the annual migration of the brown veined butterflies to Madagascar. It is a sight to behold! Everywhere you looked where beautiful flowing butterflies. Symbolically the Butterfly reflects transformation- and accepting that transformation with faith. And so I look at this beautiful sight as a sign for myself, for Johannesburg, and for South Africa as a symbol of the transformation we as a country have gone through and faith that everything will work out brilliantly and as it should. I looked in awe at these small beautiful creatures that go through this amazing metamorphosis and then make the flight all the way to Madagascar! How incredible is that? How spectacular is this world? Everything around us is a miracle.<br />
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Nature has a way of reflecting to us as individuals what is going on inside of us- it gives us signs all the time- speaks to us. People have a way of reflecting what is going on inside of us as well- and when you emanate negativity - that is what reflects back to you.<br />
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Yesterday I read an article on what makes positive people positive- and the one thing that stuck out was that they appreciated the small things in life. They saw beauty in nature, a blue sky- they felt joy from something little and did not hold out for some huge momentous occasion to make them happy. And that, to me, is the secret, appreciate every moment. Never say to yourself "I will be happy when.."... be happy today. Yes it is Sunday, and yes for a moment there the blues of work tomorrow caught me... and then I thought. It is Sunday, the sun is shining, I am going to read my book by the pool, be peaceful and happy. As we say in Afrikaans "More is nog a dag"... tomorrow is another day...<br />
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May you appreciate the butterflies, the sunshine, the raindrops nourishing the earth, the very fact that you are alive right now. With love and light always. xoxo<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-24458167181860532412014-01-02T23:40:00.000-08:002014-01-03T01:53:29.508-08:00Unlikely friends<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, when Peri and I moved into our new home- there was also the introduction of our two cats who had never lived together. My 3 year old ginger love Rumplestilskin and our 3 months year old new kitten Shanti.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now, who was Rumplestilskin- he appeared in one of the fairy stories of the brothers Grimm; he tells a woman he will not hold her to a promise if she can guess his name and when she discovers it he is so furious that he destroys himself. <span style="line-height: 16px;">The name Rumpelstilzchen in German means literally "little rattle stilt". (A stilt is a post or pole which provides support for a structure.) A rumpelstilt or rumpelstilz was the name of a type of goblin, a mischievous spirit that clatters and moves </span><span class="yshortcuts cs4-visible" id="lw_1388734002774_1" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(54, 99, 136); border-bottom-style: dotted; border-bottom-width: 2px; cursor: pointer; line-height: 16px;">household objects</span><span style="line-height: 16px;">. Okay, so my little Rumples true to his name is an interesting character. Aloof, not really interested in humans (besides me)- will only come cuddle up to me if no one else is around. Finds the strangest little places to hide and then just appears like magic. He doesn't like being cuddled and fussed over. At the same time, my rumples has been a tremendous amount of support for me. Knowing magically when I am sad and lying on my stomach until the tears dry up. Knowing when someone I have brought into the house is not a very good person-- and giving them that little evil Rumples look. Rumples is a magical little cat and could fair well in any fairytale.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">Now, Shanti. </span></span><b style="line-height: 19.1875px;">Shanti</b><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;">,</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;"> </span><b style="line-height: 19.1875px;">Santhi</b><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;">or</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;"> </span><b style="line-height: 19.1875px;">Shanthi</b><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;">(from Sanskrit शान्तिः śāntiḥ) means peace, rest, calmness, tranquility, or bliss.</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;">True to her name she is a creature of bliss... she loves to cuddle, she loves to be near people. She loves a good afternoon nap cuddled in your arms. She loves everyone.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;">And so we introduce these two very unlikely cats. Rumples sneers growls and ran away from her and spent two days on top of cupboard little Shanti couldn't reach. And for days little Shanti starred at him, not giving up- hoping for a friendship. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;">Two months later, my babies are the best of friends. Cuddled together in bed in love holding hands! True story. Picture evidence below.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;">Sometimes, life puts you into situations that are not what you would choose- well often. Sometimes you encounter people that are not what you wanted- they don't have the things on the list you have. Friends, boyfriends, family members- they just don't reflect your ideals and you find it hard to love or accept them. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;">But time is an amazing thing. And patience... You open up your heart just a little bit each day ... and listen to others points of view- no matter how much you disagree. Let us not all be so quick to judge, me included. To say "well I would never do that", to point fingers. Because is there any normal way to be? Is there any normal way to live to dress, to express yourself? Not that I know of. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;">This year, I want to make an effort to embrace others differences and maybe even learn from them. To learn to love people that are not the same as me--- to take a glimpse into the way other people see the world and maybe learn a thing or two. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;">.... Lets skip into Lala Land for just a moment where we all can love and accept even just a small piece of those that are different to us. Imagine what we could learn? </span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;"></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19.1875px;">With love and light my dear friends</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-37268064571403681052013-12-30T02:43:00.000-08:002013-12-30T02:43:02.771-08:00Now is right on time.30th of December 2014. I am not sure how this date crept up on me. A year ago, had you have asked me if I would be where I am right now.. I never would have thought here, now.<br />
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A year ago I was head strong beyond any compromise. I knew exactly where I was going in my life, planned from every second to second- day to day. I knew the date I would get married on. I knew the dress I would wear.<br />
Did it matter who it was to? Or that perhaps other people would come into my life with their own plans? I did not really think about that.<br />
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I knew my career path... I was going to write a book, I was going to make the world a better place. I was going to heal people. Spread love, spread beauty.<br />
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I was going to be head strong and unstoppable.<br />
I knew all these things.<br />
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And then people come into my life with their own plans, their own ideas.. their own schedules.. or lack thereof. Then things happened out of my control and that head strong force to be reckoned with young lady faded into the background of other events. My dream to heal others, become a dream to just heal myself. My dream to write my book to inspire, turned into me trying desperately to inspire myself.<br />
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I have seen many dark sad things happen in my life, sadly watched many loved ones die-- some peacefully and some not peacefully. I have seen pain, heartache.. disaster, poverty. I have seen people hurt each other and destroy each other. My dream was just to make a little difference- or HUGE one. To help people heal as I had healed myself so many times.<br />
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And this time, today, I am back to healing me. Something just shifted inside of me this year... a strength fell away... a confidence faded. And I did not accomplish the things I dreamt of. But the lesson? The lesson- start with yourself. How can I heal anyone if I myself am a broken shell right now? Impossible.<br />
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As I look into 2014, with a little bit of sadness, a little bit of fear--- but mostly hope. Because now is always the right time. Today is today. And I do not have plans yet for 2014, or even for new years eve? No plans! Yes me!<br />
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I read something really beautiful "Your journey has molded you for the greater good and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think you have lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And the now is on time".<br />
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With faith and hope in this moment, I wish you all a blessed 2014... Magic everywhere around you, kisses from someone you loves you from their heart, endless hugs. I wish you all to have someone in your life that listens to you, that hears you. I wish for you all to have someone that 'gets' you. And may dreams come true. And I wish myself all those very same things.<br />
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With love and light, alwaysAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-74311703274509941162013-12-23T23:53:00.000-08:002013-12-23T23:53:30.151-08:00It's my sparkle and you can't have it<div class="MsoNormal">
The past few weeks have been a little dark and lacking their usual shine. You know when everything feels dull and miserable. Even
the flowers in my garden had all died. And then, as hard as I looked I could not find my sparkle. I like my
sparkle. It felt like this dark cloud was following me everywhere and nothing I did made it go away. What happens when you cannot find your sparkle? Well getting up in the morning feels like an effort, making small talk is torture, smiling is hard, you find it hard to get excited about anything and you just feel blah. You look in the mirror and your reflection is not really you. </div>
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And then I woke
up this morning and the flowers in my garden had grown back. I felt a tiny bit of my
sparkle calling out. The flowers have come back! There is hope. The dishes in the sink I was dreading to clean and been cleaned by Peri (turns out I
did actually clean it myself but didn't remember).. another thing that happens when you don't have your sparkle- you forget things. </div>
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But still, the flowers were there. And there was a feeling of hope inside of me- that usual feeling that I can march on and do almost anything... coming back slowly... and I guess yes, it will take time for it to come back completely. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I
came to thinking, can you permanently lose your sparkle? Can someone, something or some occurrence steal it from you- and never give it back?</div>
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<br /></div>
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Can you have a dark cloud lingering over you
always. Yes I have met people who seem to, but I don't believe it can ever be
lost. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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You
need to work on keeping it. Work on being positive and happy... And sometimes
it feels impossible.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I've
felt it. The past week the dread of getting out of bed, the dread of working,
of making small talk- of smiling. The loss of hope that things will shine again. Scared that my sparkle was really gone forever and dulled by the darkness surrounding me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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But
a flower re-blooms... And wounds heal... And you call your sparkle back. Light
your incense or candles, or put on your special music, dance alone with no
inhibition. Pray, meditate- we all have different ways of connecting with our
inner sparkle.. But never let it go. And never let someone else be responsible
for dulling it. Never.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I've
learnt that. I guess the hard way, or the easy way because I learnt it. Another
human cannot stand in your light, it is within all of us the power to shine and
someone who tries to dull you... well that person has lost their sparkle and wants some of
yours. Let them go. Say goodbye.. And let them go find their own sparkle.<o:p></o:p></div>
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To my magical friends, family and everyone reading this- may you always have your sparkle... and may you have a beautiful holiday season. With love and light.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-68136629065037922342013-12-18T04:41:00.001-08:002013-12-18T04:47:30.326-08:00Love me till I am me againIt is so easy to love anyone when they are on top form- when they are happy and light and fun. When friends or family are going through good times- everyone wants to be around. Support is so easy when people are lovely and loving. But what about the down times?<br />
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Who feels like being around someone when they are lacking energy, when they are not the life of the party, when they are boring, when they are sad? When they are negative? And lets be honest, we all feel like that sometimes in life. </div>
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<div>
When your partner is warm and loving- everything is amazing and of course you want to spend every moment with them. But what about if they go through something? What about when they are depressed? Do you want to sit home in bed with them and mope or do you rush somewhere else to be far removed from their pain- waiting for their old self to surface. And if their old self takes too long to come back- do you find someone else- someone bubbly and joyous?</div>
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Love. The very definition to me is that. That even when you are not on top form, even when you are 10 kilos overweight or feeling depressed, or having sleepless nights from anxiety--- your partner stands by you. He or she stays home with you and holds your hand and doesn't push you to "snap out of it". Love means sticking around even when things turn shitty... because they do turn around, and they do turn good again. </div>
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My prayer, for my friends, my family, and for every beautiful soul reading this- is to have that love. To have that someone in your life that sticks around even when the real you has left the building. That stands by you until you- are you again. </div>
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With love and light. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-60544775378342544912013-12-09T07:36:00.003-08:002013-12-09T07:48:02.846-08:00Making Sense of your Senses?Every day is a new day. A day with happiness, stresses, complications, people, work, new things, old things-changes. Things are sometimes running smoothly, beautifully- and then in an instant you are swiped with something you never expected- an event that totally pushes you off course. And then things are not so good.<br />
And you work through it, and you feel things that are not so great. You cry, maybe you get angry. And then just in the same breath, things are going terribly- life feels like it is crumbling... and like magic something comes along and changes everything around and you are on top of the world.<br />
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It's a cliche, but such is life. You do your best, and you live each day the best way you can- in your current capacity. And things happen out of your control and you do your best in that capacity.<br />
You feel- you laugh, you cry- you build yourself up and sometimes you fall to pieces.<br />
And we all try, and I try, to just be grateful every day for the good things.<br />
<br />
And yes, days will come when being grateful for anything seems impossible. That is okay too.<br />
When I have such a day, I find myself spending a lot of time feeling guilty that I am unable to see that silver lining- unable to say a thank you or push through a smile. But it happens, right? I need to convince myself about that a lot. Shit happens.<br />
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No one's life is perfect- it may look perfect on the outside--- you may look at other's lives and say wow they have everything together. Why don't I? Don't be fooled by smoke and mirrors... don't be jealous of other's-there is no way of understanding or knowing their journey.<br />
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I have learnt, the only thing you can do- is live your journey. The good, the bad and damn ugly. Be true to yourself, be true to your instincts and your gut--- and look inside---- close your eyes to looking outside.<br />
Your journey is so personal, so fit for you, and looking at other's live's will not help you understand your own, it will only confuse you further.<br />
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So with the biggest love and light, I take a deep breath and say "This is my journey, I own it, its mine to live and love and laugh and cry".Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-23227431477655838632013-11-17T22:35:00.001-08:002013-11-17T22:39:34.495-08:00Does it Make You Happy?<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, the boxes are still sitting in our lounge unpacked. I did not complete my to-do list at home or work this weekend. Anxiety levels, well, are anxious. But today a loved one starts their first chemo therapy session. Wikipedia explains Chemo like this "<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;">raditional chemotherapeutic agents act by killing cells that divide rapidly, one of the main properties of most cancer cells. This means that chemotherapy also harms cells that divide rapidly under normal circumstances: cells in the </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bone_marrow" style="background-color: white; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; line-height: 19.1875px; text-decoration: none;" title="Bone marrow">bone marrow</a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;">, </span><a class="mw-redirect" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digestive_tract" style="background-color: white; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; line-height: 19.1875px;" title="Digestive tract">digestive tract</a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;">, and </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_follicle" style="background-color: white; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; line-height: 19.1875px; text-decoration: none;" title="Hair follicle">hair follicles</a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;">."</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.1875px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I hear the word killing. That is what chemo does- it runs through your body killing everything in site all for a good purpose, a goal that is worthwhile, a goal for life, and health.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;">And so, yes my silly neurosis about being tidy, my obsession with lists and organisation are just plain silly. With a sad heart and a hopeful eye- I realise once again that my inability to often just live in the moment is a far bigger problem. As my prayer for my loved one to heal quickly from the chemo I shall dedicate time- even if just a few moments in a day- to living in the now. Letting go of the anxiety over things that are not in my control and things that are just plain silly.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;">I shall live. Live now.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;">Because really, this world is a beautiful blessed place and being grateful for every grain of grass is important. I have read the books on gratitude, done the exercise- and yes it does work. But you need to carry on doing it, daily. You cannot slip backwards- you have to stop complaining and hanging onto the negative things. I need to stop complaining. A</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 19.1875px;">nd yes Thank G-d for my health. Health keeps us all going. And thank G-d for my beautiful family and friends. Thank G-d for my job. Thank G-d for my Peri. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;">And with all the big beautiful blessings, it is so important to say thanks for the smaller things. A glass of water, a morning with no traffic, sunshine in the sky, being able to function and be in this world with an open heart and mind. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.1875px;">It will all be okay. And things change, up and down, and this too shall pass. And I pray with my heart and soul for my loved one- and dedicate living in now to him. A beautiful, angel of a person that has the most beautiful open heart, generous nature and wisest words. His best saying "Does it make you happy? Well then do it". With love and light.</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-14866468109677634232013-11-13T03:10:00.004-08:002013-11-13T03:10:37.221-08:00Who Decides What is Fashionable?Hobo Chic. The term was sister has coined to refer to my style of dress. The other day I arrived at a family function and my sister was deeply concerned by my outfit of stockings (on a hot summers day) a t-shirt, flat shoes, lack of makeup and what I like to call natural hair flair. "Mary", she said (why she calls me Mary is a story for another day), "What are you wearing? Is everything okay?". Everything was okay, I had just pulled a mixture of clothing from my cupboard that was comfortable, I did not get a chance to blow-dry my hair and well the makeup had faded. This is not the first time my sister has expressed concern at my dress sense. Now my sister loves shopping. She always has the most beautiful shoes, dresses and latest fashion items. Everyone season she hands over bags of last seasons clothing to me and my sister-in-law Bianca. We love this and get amazing use of our hand-me-down items. <br />
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It is not that I do not love fashion- I love beautiful clothing and shoes. It is not that I do not love having my hair done and impeccable nails- it is just that I love other things so much more. Comfort for one. Slip slops are comfortable. Reading for another instead of taking those 45 minutes to blow-dry my hair. Spending sundays relaxing instead of crammed into a busy boisterous shopping centre looking at clothing. And so, I make do with my hobo chic style and feel happy with it. Today for example my sister would be unimpressed. I am wearing a pair of hand-me-down pants of hers- that she handed over about 6 years ago, shoes I bought in London 8 years ago that are good for your feet, a hand-me-down top of hers that is about 3 years old and yes- natural hair.<br />
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With fashion is there a right or wrong? Yes I know that a fashion guru somewhere around the world will decide the colour for summer and the world will follow, and I know that some things are really out of fashion because someone said so- and that at the moment I think skulls are the in thing? I think? or was that last season? But me, well I love wearing things that flow, things that make me feel comfortable and natural. I love dressing up in my way- I love my crystal jewellery and how it makes me feel and I don't really care that it doesn't match the rest of my outfit. I love red lipstick and wearing that makes me feel beautiful. I have been known to sometimes leave the house without makeup (Yes-shock- horror) and there is no item of clothing I could love more than my favourite pajamas.<br />
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We all wear what we love and what makes us feel good. When we are teenagers there is so much pressure to conform and to wear what is in fashion- we often don't think about what is our fashion. Now, as a lady in her 30's (WOW) I am finding my own fashion style, slowly. It will take a while, and sometimes I do cave to a fashion trend just because, well I do love it. I do own ridiculously high shoes that whenever I wear them my feet suffer but I still wear them. And I will continue to cherish the bags of clothing my sister hands over to me every season- because after-all I remain a girly girl that loves a new item to strut around in!<br />
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May you all find your style and may you know that is yours and that it is okay to wear things, because they are in fashion and because you love them but it is also okay to sometimes leave the house with no makeup and in your slippers!<br />
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With love and light.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-4092735895181737652013-11-11T03:33:00.002-08:002013-11-11T03:33:48.756-08:00Set in my ways, but not foreverI love being organised, I live and breath organisation. Making lists gives me a high. I can make lists of lists. I have to do lists, of to do lists. No I do not suffer from a mental illness and no I do not think this is strange- it may just be highly annoying for those close to me. After much thought and introspection I do realise the constant organising is my way of feeling in control- having plans for plans and back-up plans. Having painkillers, a tape measure and a bottle opener in my bag help me to feel calm. I have everything I may need at any given moment. And my schedule, well my schedule is planned to the second. Weeks in advance I have made my dinner arrangements with friends and coffee plans. I know that in three months I must buy a new mascara- I have reminders and lists for things like this. I know on my plans for Saturday in three months time.<br />
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And then I met Peri.<br />
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Before our first date, I asked what time it would be- he said he would call me in the day and let me know. I felt panic grip me- he would let me know that day? That was the start to the chaos entering my life. Unplanned nights out drinking wine till 3am- that were not in my calendar. Going on unplanned shopping sprees, driving to Benoni at 8pm at night to get a kitten from the back of someone's car and buying a house together because our hearts just knew it was meant to be our home.<br />
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It has been with much difficulty and some sadness that I have had to let go of controlling everything. Firstly, I cannot control Peri's habits. If he decides at 7pm he wants to go for dinner (when I had bought chicken already to make for dinner)- I go with it. I cannot control he fact that he is not as tidy as me- that he leaves glasses everywhere in the house he goes and that he doesnt have schedule's of schedules. I can send him meeting requests for my scheduled events- which he accepts and I am sure it took him a while to come to terms with my trying to organise every second of every day. We have met half way.. truthfully some-days I meet him 80 percent of the way, and sometimes he comes 80 percent my way. Meeting half way all the time is hard.<br />
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Yesterday, for example, we had a friend's 30th. In my world I had scheduled- shop in morning for household goods, go to 30th Lunch, come home and unpack household goods and Peri to unpack last boxes of his, afternoon nap, watch 8pm movie on TV, early night before work.<br />
In reality this is what happened- rushed shop, rushed to drop items at home- late for friend's birthday, home- Peri's friends arrived for drinks and snacks- fast forward 5 hours later and they are still there drinking and snacking and at this point we have gotten dinner. Nothing unpacked, nothing been organised and no early night. And guess what, the reality was fun- was light-hearted and brought laughter and love into my life. So my plans were destroyed, I had survived it.<br />
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And Peri, Peri has learnt to accept my meeting requests with well, acceptance. He has learnt that I love to be organised and he tries to put his clothes in the washing basket instead of on the floor. He secretly loves to write lists and tick things off and I secretly love to do things last minute and unplanned- there is something fun in not planning fun, right?<br />
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Yes it is possible to change, maybe it is not change, its compromise. But compromise implies you are giving up something and really- I have not given up my joy of organising, I have just learnt to appreciate another way of doing things.<br />
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With love and light... Embrace your idiosyncrasies but do let some room in for change. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1563696488202688331.post-1842485251128064382013-11-07T03:35:00.002-08:002013-11-07T03:35:35.963-08:00Its okay to not be okayI pride myself on being a positive person, a go-with-the-flow type of person, even tempered and difficult to rattle. Tuesday afternoon I found myself sitting on the couch, staring out the window with my two cats and crying uncontrollably. Not only was I feeling beaten, miserable and angry- the frustration at myself for feeling those things was even worse.<br />
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I spend hours daily meditating, praying, lighting candles, holding crystals, saying affirmations, breathing and focusing on happy thoughts. How could I be lying in a ball crying like a baby, and totally incapacitated.<br />
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Let me fast forward to a few days before this. Peri and I moved last Thursday to a new home together for the first time. A home all of our own, beautiful beginning and a shift in our relationship. Beautiful, right? Nothing to worry about, right? After four days of carrying boxes, furniture being moved, unpacking- finding a few moments between that to drink a glass of wine (in Peri's case a bottle of tequila) and late night pizza (in Peri's case 12 cupcakes at 3am)- we were upbeat. No fights, united in our new home.<br />
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My cat Rumplestilskin, heartsong of my life, was introduced to our new kitten Shanti. Not a great start- hello from Rumples was a hiss and a smack in the face. Rumples proceeded to climb onto the highest shelf he could find and spend two days there. After day 2, he came down, hissed at Shanti- hit her in the face- and then they proceeded with some form of blossoming friendship (by this I mean he chased her, watched her play with pieces of paper with utmost joy, she stole his food and they slept on the same couch. However when it came to bedtime and he saw Shanti sleeping on my tummy, his usual spot, he looked at us both with utter disdain, he turned his back and walked away).<br />
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A few boxes unpacked, a bit of dust and a dirty floor. Then the electricity went off in our new complex- and the beautiful fridge I had filled with groceries that morning, was off- along with the groceries. The few boxes that remained unpacked started haunting me. The cats not yet best friends began upsetting me and the forlorn look on my Rumples face broke my heart. And then... Peri left the bed unmade with his clothing sprawled on the floor. The battery on my phone died, and with no electricity I couldn't charge it (in this state of panic it didnt cross my mind to drive to my mom and charge my phone). From 2pm until 7pm at night I sat by the window, uncontactable, miserable and teary eyed. What have I done I cried?! I don't want to live in mess, I don't want Rumples to be unhappy, I don't want responsibilities? I felt totally out of control- which is a very uncommon feeling for me. Peri had lectures that night so he was only home at 9pm, so as it got dark, I managed to move myself to the bed and get ready to shut my eyes.<br />
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7.30pm I hear a voice calling my name outside. I thought I had really lost it. The voice carried on. I ran downstairs and waiting outside was my friend Hayley. Peri had messaged her to please check I was okay. This was the voice of mother Theresa for me at this moment. As I re-hashed my terrible day to Hayley, the panic, the insane anxiety- I realised that almost a week of stress and what are normal feelings of anguish had been totally ignored and they had come back to haunt me (okay maybe not just a week). That moving house is stressful, moving in with your partner is stressful, moving your animals is stressful, introducing new animals is stressful and then not having electricity is stressful. Buying a home is scary, even if it is with someone you love with your soul.<br />
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But you know what? I have a boyfriend that sent someone to come check I was okay. I have a friend that cared enough to do it. The next day my aunt and her two helpers came to assist with final unpacking of house and cleaning and by the end of day it looked magnificent- like a home. What a special aunt! Rumples and Shanti are getting on better every day.<br />
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As I start this new and responsible journey of my life, I realise that I had a bad day, and that I will have more bad days- but that I have a support system of people that love me and that well... sometimes shit happens and all you can do is smile and march on!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16292729067563901492noreply@blogger.com0