So, the boxes are still sitting in our lounge unpacked. I did not complete my to-do list at home or work this weekend. Anxiety levels, well, are anxious. But today a loved one starts their first chemo therapy session. Wikipedia explains Chemo like this "raditional chemotherapeutic agents act by killing cells that divide rapidly, one of the main properties of most cancer cells. This means that chemotherapy also harms cells that divide rapidly under normal circumstances: cells in the bone marrow, digestive tract, and hair follicles."
I hear the word killing. That is what chemo does- it runs through your body killing everything in site all for a good purpose, a goal that is worthwhile, a goal for life, and health.
And so, yes my silly neurosis about being tidy, my obsession with lists and organisation are just plain silly. With a sad heart and a hopeful eye- I realise once again that my inability to often just live in the moment is a far bigger problem. As my prayer for my loved one to heal quickly from the chemo I shall dedicate time- even if just a few moments in a day- to living in the now. Letting go of the anxiety over things that are not in my control and things that are just plain silly.
I shall live. Live now.
Because really, this world is a beautiful blessed place and being grateful for every grain of grass is important. I have read the books on gratitude, done the exercise- and yes it does work. But you need to carry on doing it, daily. You cannot slip backwards- you have to stop complaining and hanging onto the negative things. I need to stop complaining. And yes Thank G-d for my health. Health keeps us all going. And thank G-d for my beautiful family and friends. Thank G-d for my job. Thank G-d for my Peri.
And with all the big beautiful blessings, it is so important to say thanks for the smaller things. A glass of water, a morning with no traffic, sunshine in the sky, being able to function and be in this world with an open heart and mind.
It will all be okay. And things change, up and down, and this too shall pass. And I pray with my heart and soul for my loved one- and dedicate living in now to him. A beautiful, angel of a person that has the most beautiful open heart, generous nature and wisest words. His best saying "Does it make you happy? Well then do it". With love and light.