Monday, 23 December 2013

It's my sparkle and you can't have it

The past few weeks have been a little dark and lacking their usual shine. You know when everything feels dull and miserable. Even the flowers in my garden had all died. And then, as hard as I looked I could not find my sparkle. I like my sparkle. It felt like this dark cloud was following me everywhere and nothing I did made it go away. What happens when you cannot find your sparkle? Well getting up in the morning feels like an effort, making small talk is torture, smiling is hard, you find it hard to get excited about anything and you just feel blah. You look in the mirror and your reflection is not really you. 

And then I woke up this morning and the flowers in my garden had grown back. I felt a tiny bit of my sparkle calling out. The flowers have come back! There is hope. The dishes in the sink I was dreading to clean and been cleaned by Peri (turns out I did actually clean it myself but didn't remember).. another thing that happens when you don't have your sparkle- you forget things. 

But still, the flowers were there. And there was a feeling of hope inside of me- that usual feeling that I can march on and do almost anything... coming back slowly... and I guess yes, it will take time for it to come back completely. 

I came to thinking, can you permanently lose your sparkle? Can someone, something or some occurrence steal it from you- and never give it back?

Can you have a dark cloud lingering over you always. Yes I have met people who seem to, but I don't believe it can ever be lost. 

You need to work on keeping it. Work on being positive and happy... And sometimes it feels impossible.

I've felt it. The past week the dread of getting out of bed, the dread of working, of making small talk- of smiling. The loss of hope that things will shine again. Scared that my sparkle was really gone forever and dulled by the darkness surrounding me. 

But a flower re-blooms... And wounds heal... And you call your sparkle back. Light your incense or candles, or put on your special music, dance alone with no inhibition. Pray, meditate- we all have different ways of connecting with our inner sparkle.. But never let it go. And never let someone else be responsible for dulling it. Never.

I've learnt that. I guess the hard way, or the easy way because I learnt it. Another human cannot stand in your light, it is within all of us the power to shine and someone who tries to dull you... well that person has lost their sparkle and wants some of yours. Let them go. Say goodbye.. And let them go find their own sparkle.

To my magical friends, family and everyone reading this- may you always have your sparkle... and may you have a beautiful holiday season. With love and light.