30th of December 2014. I am not sure how this date crept up on me. A year ago, had you have asked me if I would be where I am right now.. I never would have thought here, now.
A year ago I was head strong beyond any compromise. I knew exactly where I was going in my life, planned from every second to second- day to day. I knew the date I would get married on. I knew the dress I would wear.
Did it matter who it was to? Or that perhaps other people would come into my life with their own plans? I did not really think about that.
I knew my career path... I was going to write a book, I was going to make the world a better place. I was going to heal people. Spread love, spread beauty.
I was going to be head strong and unstoppable.
I knew all these things.
And then people come into my life with their own plans, their own ideas.. their own schedules.. or lack thereof. Then things happened out of my control and that head strong force to be reckoned with young lady faded into the background of other events. My dream to heal others, become a dream to just heal myself. My dream to write my book to inspire, turned into me trying desperately to inspire myself.
I have seen many dark sad things happen in my life, sadly watched many loved ones die-- some peacefully and some not peacefully. I have seen pain, heartache.. disaster, poverty. I have seen people hurt each other and destroy each other. My dream was just to make a little difference- or HUGE one. To help people heal as I had healed myself so many times.
And this time, today, I am back to healing me. Something just shifted inside of me this year... a strength fell away... a confidence faded. And I did not accomplish the things I dreamt of. But the lesson? The lesson- start with yourself. How can I heal anyone if I myself am a broken shell right now? Impossible.
As I look into 2014, with a little bit of sadness, a little bit of fear--- but mostly hope. Because now is always the right time. Today is today. And I do not have plans yet for 2014, or even for new years eve? No plans! Yes me!
I read something really beautiful "Your journey has molded you for the greater good and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think you have lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And the now is on time".
With faith and hope in this moment, I wish you all a blessed 2014... Magic everywhere around you, kisses from someone you loves you from their heart, endless hugs. I wish you all to have someone in your life that listens to you, that hears you. I wish for you all to have someone that 'gets' you. And may dreams come true. And I wish myself all those very same things.
With love and light, always