Live in your own world...

Peri often asks me, what world do you live in? And I say "My world". I see the world through my eyes, everything is subjective and so a chipped plate or broken glass is a sign of a fun night... Being totally unaware of people's faults is not a sign of weakness or being a bad judge of character, its the way I see people- for their good. Why focus on negativity?

And so, yes I have spent most of life often not noticing things around me, doing silly things, bumping, breaking, falling... stumbling along sometimes.. but I am okay with that. Because my  life is beautiful because of it. I see glitter where others see dust- I see potential where others see a broken vessel. And sometimes, (okay often), I make mistakes due to my "ignorance" or inability to see reality as it really is. Should I change that? Should I open my eyes to reality?

Nah.. I like my pink, shiney, glitter covered and happy world. Ill stay here, thank you very much.

with love and light, come and visit me xo

The Two Best Words that start with Z....

After a "passport debacle" (aka we arrived at airport to go on holiday of our dreams and only realised when we got to customs my passport had expired), we left on the 8th to go to Zanzibar. We arrived to heat like I have never felt- within minutes my hair was clipped up, pants rolled up- and face was red! The drive to our hotel... beautifully named the Z Hotel..... was an interesting one. Driving through the rural town, where people just seemed happy. Simple life, none of the silly complications we experience and I am sure they do not have hundreds of psychiatrists and psychologists helping them through their deep childhood problems and every anxiety.

And we arrived at paradise- the Z Hotel. After the mixup with our flights and the so-called "passport debacle", the hotel had moved our accommodation to the following week at no extra charge and with total kindness. As we got to reception our bags were whisked away to our room and we were greeted by one of the loveliest ladies I have ever met, Julie- the GM of the hotel. She radiates a sort of calm we can all only dream to have.

Straight to our room to put on swimming costumes- a jump in the clear and warm ocean, a jump in a pool that must be made in heaven. And then a week of utter relaxation, joy, love, calm and peace.

On our second night they experienced a major storm that they had never had before--- this ruined a lot of the hotels in the area, and destroyed the roof of their restaurant. And so, instead of waking up and going down to breakfast- they brought breakfast to our room every morning. With a smile.. a "Jambo" hello... and a feeling that you will never find a place more peaceful.

I had a lot of time to think on this holiday, hours sitting by the pool doing nothing but relaxing. And I realised that there are so many destinations you can go to that are beautiful- but what makes a place beautiful? The people. And let me tell you, the people that work at the Z hotel are magical. Its as if Julie and the owners handpicked each person for their warmth, gentle nature and calm presence.

Its funny.. sometimes you get back from a holiday and feel like it never happened. You dread the thought of work... going back to your "normal life"... I don't feel that way. I feel energized, ready to tackle my work--- ready to have a brilliant, open and creative mind and put my heart into all I do.

For a week, watching people put so much love and care into their jobs-- made me realise that I need to do the same. When the beds were made every morning they left a design with petals and leaves and some form of animal made out of the towels- everything was done perfectly. And that is how I wish to live my life... Do things with heart, soul... passion. And when a storm comes.. as it does.. and the roof collapses... as it does... well what do you do? You eat breakfast in bed.

With love. My two best Z words-- Zanzibar and the Z hotel. Thank you Julie xoxo

Build your own DREAMS!

There are many people in this world who love stability, love constants, love calm and consistency. I am not one of those people.

I thrive on chaos, thrive on drama- love change- love adventures. But it is dangerous to always be like that so I find my adventures in every day things.

There is so much magic in things standing right in front of us.

So I go to renew my drivers license. About a block from the station is an empty field barring a makeshift type shop (wood planks with tin roof), a few men sitting under it and a plastic chair. A cardboard sign saying photos. So I stop there-- climb through the plants and head to have my photos for my new license. A lovely warm (some what hulky and bit scary) gentleman tells me to sit down. Takes photos and then opens his boot of his car to link to some form of equipment.

He says " you need a copy of your ID, go to the lady across the field, get it while I print the photos". So I walk across to next makeshift shop and there is an old also very lovely lady with a lone photocopy machine. And done.

What struck me in this experience is the brilliance, tenacity and entrepreneurship with both these stores. They saw a need, they capatilised on it and they have created a little business. It gives me hope. And mostly inspires me.

Living in South Africa, a country rife with crime and poverty.. You cannot blame people for feeling hopeless. Inadequete healthcare and education. A worry where your next meal will come from. Fears all around you. People need to survive. But admist that.. There are so many exceptional people.. That rise above any feelings of anger, hatered, bitterness and the ability to create something out of nothing. And if you create, the world can only grow.

With so much love, I pray for all South Africans to continue creating businesses, creating dreams and creating hope. I read a brilliant quote the other day " build your own dreams or someone else will hire you to build theirs". So with a hopeful heart may we all make our dreams a reality and continue to create more brilliance in this world. 

With love and light always

The day I fell In love

Well, it is not to say that I haven't loved Peri for the past year and a half, and I knew from our very first date there was something there- some connection that words could not explain and just existed. I have always loved his kindness, his love for all things and his passionate response to things around him. But this weekend I fell in love with him in a different way. It's strange for me, and I guess for many people, because you see love as this instant thing- this immediate reaction and total belief that this is the person you will share the rest of your life with and there is never any doubt.

I think when you are 30, as I am, you are a bit more jaded, cautious- not so quick to just fall into love and give of yourself. They always say the first love is the best love because you never think it will end.. that love before you know about life and its turmoil. But that is not true- the best love is love that lasts. The best love is love that grows and gets better. Not one that starts on a high of joy that cannot be sustained. Love that starts.. and grows and grows...

So we went away this weekend to a lodge in Rustenburg- not very exciting, right? But my Peri makes an adventure out of everything. This weekend I realised how in love I am with that aspect of him. On the way to our destination a tired looking beggar was selling a chameleon he had found- Peri swerved to the side of road and insisted on buying it. He feared for the destiny of this chameleon if he did not rescue it... and promised it a very good home. Then there was the journey to the pet shop- crickets to get for food- a home for chameleon (now referred to as Rusty)- and no I am not yet ready to call him mine. His love and appreciation- and total dedication and care of something he felt affected by- just made me fall head of heals.

We go lie by the pool, relaxing, joyous- and when I see insects alive, battling to survive in the pool- I am not scared or revolted- I pick them up and take them out the pool. This may sound ridiculous, but how could you leave the that living creature to suffer and die? That love and care of all things living- well I learnt from Peri. Two years ago I wouldn't even touch an ant. Second thing that made me feel totally head over heals.

And then, we at the pool- he is lying on a lilo.. its a lovely place, simple. Nothing much to do- and he is utterly filled with joy to just lie there in the sun and appreciate his surroundings. So embracing of the moment, so peaceful. Happy. In the moment. Something that I find so hard to do. Since I have known Peri it is something I slowly learn to do, to just have fun where you are- to appreciate a lilo, a hot summers day- a chameleon.

So for so long, I saw myself as this emotionally evolved human, open to life- loving of all, appreciating small things. And no, I have to admit to myself, when I watch Peri, I am not. For all the times I have thought Peri was not as emotionally evolved as me, or any man, well.. this i not the truth.

Peri appreciates every little small thing, he gives to things around him with an open heart and expectation of nothing in return and he appreciates life- the life of every living creature- even those that we just see as "bugs". I looked at this man today and knew that the gut feeling I had on our first date was so right- was leading me somewhere. A life of adventure, a life of loving and giving and a life of appreciation.

I thank Hashem (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Names_of_God_in_Judaism) for giving what I needed.... and what I asked for. Someone who made my life meaningful. Someone who challenges me every day.

We are driving to the shops- I have no makeup on, hair is untamed. Clip holding fringe up--and Peri looks at me will all seriousness "That is how your hair looks beautiful". And then I thought for the forth time this day, how amazing is that? Someone who sees you at what you think is your worst, and they think it is your best.

Our relationship has been by no means easy or simple- neither of us are easy or simple. There has been many downs, many things happen that has shattered us both... but I see now with retrospect that I am right now, exactly where I need to be.

I just wanted to share this special thing in my life, because well, sometimes we are so hard on ourselves. When relationships are not perfect, or there are downs- up, changes- we think it is hard- we think it is not right.... but sometimes... sometimes...... the best part is yet to come.

I pray for all of you to have a love that only grows with love... and time... and that you can appreciate all the small things (goes for me too), and live in the now. With love and light always xoxo

A cloud of butterfly inspiration

So yesterday saw a cloud of beautiful butterflies flying over Johannesburg. This is the annual migration of the brown veined butterflies to Madagascar. It is a sight to behold! Everywhere you looked where beautiful flowing butterflies. Symbolically the Butterfly reflects transformation- and accepting that transformation with faith. And so I look at this beautiful sight as a sign for myself, for Johannesburg, and for South Africa as a symbol of the transformation we as a country have gone through and faith that everything will work out brilliantly and as it should. I looked in awe at these small beautiful creatures that go through this amazing metamorphosis and then make the flight all the way to Madagascar! How incredible is that? How spectacular is this world? Everything around us is a miracle.

Nature has a way of reflecting to us as individuals what is going on inside of us- it gives us signs all the time- speaks to us. People have a way of reflecting what is going on inside of us as well- and when you emanate negativity - that is what reflects back to you.

Yesterday I read an article on what makes positive people positive- and the one thing that stuck out was that they appreciated the small things in life. They saw beauty in nature, a blue sky- they felt joy from something little and did not hold out for some huge momentous occasion to make them happy. And that, to me, is the secret, appreciate every moment. Never say to yourself "I will be happy when.."... be happy today. Yes it is Sunday, and yes for a moment there the blues of work tomorrow caught me... and then I thought. It is Sunday, the sun is shining, I am going to read my book by the pool, be peaceful and happy. As we say in Afrikaans "More is nog a dag"... tomorrow is another day...

May you appreciate the butterflies, the sunshine, the raindrops nourishing the earth, the very fact that you are alive right now. With love and light always. xoxo

Unlikely friends

So, when Peri and I moved into our new home- there was also the introduction of our two cats who had never lived together. My 3 year old ginger love Rumplestilskin and our 3 months year old new kitten Shanti.


Now, who was Rumplestilskin- he appeared in one of the fairy stories of the brothers Grimm; he tells a woman he will not hold her to a promise if she can guess his name and when she discovers it he is so furious that he destroys himself. The name Rumpelstilzchen in German means literally "little rattle stilt". (A stilt is a post or pole which provides support for a structure.) A rumpelstilt or rumpelstilz was the name of a type of goblin, a mischievous spirit that clatters and moves household objects. Okay, so my little Rumples true to his name is an interesting character. Aloof, not really interested in humans (besides me)- will only come cuddle up to me if no one else is around. Finds the strangest little places to hide and then just appears like magic. He doesn't like being cuddled and fussed over. At the same time, my rumples has been a tremendous amount of support for me. Knowing magically when I am sad and lying on my stomach until the tears dry up. Knowing when someone I have brought into the house is not a very good person-- and giving them that little evil Rumples look. Rumples is a magical little cat and could fair well in any fairytale.


Now, Shanti. Shanti, Santhi or Shanthi (from Sanskrit शान्तिः śāntiḥ) means peace, rest, calmness, tranquility, or bliss.True to her name she is a creature of bliss... she loves to cuddle, she loves to be near people. She loves a good afternoon nap cuddled in your arms. She loves everyone.

And so we introduce these two very unlikely cats. Rumples sneers growls and ran away from her and spent two days on top of cupboard little Shanti couldn't reach. And for days little Shanti starred at him, not giving up- hoping for a friendship. 

Two months later, my babies are the best of friends. Cuddled together in bed in love holding hands! True story. Picture evidence below.
Sometimes, life puts you into situations that are not what you would choose- well often. Sometimes you encounter people that are not what you wanted- they don't have the things on the list you have. Friends, boyfriends, family members- they just don't reflect your ideals and you find it hard to love or accept them. 

But time is an amazing thing. And patience... You open up your heart just a little bit each day ... and listen to others points of view- no matter how much you disagree. Let us not all be so quick to judge, me included. To say "well I would never do that", to point fingers. Because is there any normal way to be? Is there any normal way to live to dress, to express yourself? Not that I know of. 

This year, I want to make an effort to embrace others differences and maybe even learn from them. To learn to love people that are not the same as me--- to take a glimpse into the way other people see the world and maybe learn a thing or two. 

.... Lets skip into Lala Land for just a moment where we all can love and accept even just a small piece of those that are different to us. Imagine what we could learn? With love and light my dear friends

Now is right on time.

30th of December 2014. I am not sure how this date crept up on me. A year ago, had you have asked me if I would be where I am right now.. I never would have thought here, now.

A year ago I was head strong beyond any compromise. I knew exactly where I was going in my life, planned from every second to second- day to day. I knew the date I would get married on. I knew the dress I would wear.
Did it matter who it was to? Or that perhaps other people would come into my life with their own plans? I did not really think about that.

I knew my career path... I was going to write a book, I was going to make the world a better place. I was going to heal people. Spread love, spread beauty.

I was going to be head strong and unstoppable.
I knew all these things.

And then people come into my life with their own plans, their own ideas.. their own schedules.. or lack thereof. Then things happened out of my control and that head strong force to be reckoned with young lady faded into the background of other events. My dream to heal others, become a dream to just heal myself. My dream to write my book to inspire, turned into me trying desperately to inspire myself.

I have seen many dark sad things happen in my life, sadly watched many loved ones die-- some peacefully and some not peacefully. I have seen pain, heartache.. disaster, poverty. I have seen people hurt each other and destroy each other. My dream was just to make a little difference- or  HUGE one. To help people heal as I had healed myself so many times.

And this time, today, I am back to healing me. Something just shifted inside of me this year... a strength fell away... a confidence faded. And I did not accomplish the things I dreamt of. But the lesson? The lesson- start with yourself. How can I heal anyone if I myself am a broken shell right now?  Impossible.

As I look into 2014, with a little bit of sadness, a little bit of fear--- but mostly hope. Because now is always the right time. Today is today. And I do not have plans yet for 2014, or even for new years eve? No plans! Yes me!

I read something really beautiful "Your journey has molded you for the greater good and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think you have lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And the now is on time".

With faith and hope in this moment, I wish you all a blessed 2014... Magic everywhere around you, kisses from someone you loves you from their heart, endless hugs. I wish you all to have someone in your life that listens to you, that hears you. I wish for you all to have someone that 'gets' you. And may dreams come true. And I wish myself all those very same things.

With love and light, always